As I have mentioned before, I am currently reading a book called, “The Me I Want to Be: Becoming God’s Best Version of You” by John Ortberg. Here is a quote from today’s reading that is rolling around in my mind.
“Imagine a parent who thinks, No matter how many kids I have, I will treat them each exactly the same way. Each kid will be a blank slate for me to write on, pliable clay for me to mold. They will all be motivated by the same rewards, impacted by punishment the same way, and attracted by the same activities.”
You’ll have to read the book to find out how that works into the premise of his book, but I’ve been thinking about that quote all morning and how it relates to us here on Mommy Map. Isn’t that the way we think before we have children or even when we have just one child. We think we have it all figured out…then we have children (or more children). Reality obliterates that notion. In my imaginary world, it would be so great if the above mentality was reality. Yet I am thankful that perfection is not the reality. I am thankful that God did not mass produce my children. He custom made them or another way to think about it is that He handmade them. Each of them is so uniquely different. I love the verse that says in Psalm 139 that he knit them together.
v 13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Being a crocheter, I get that. I feel alive when I weave something together with my hands and it turns out beautiful. It may not make any sense along the way to those who don’t know how to crochet or knit, but each stitch has a purpose and it works together toward the bigger picture. Even right now, I have two colors of yarn that are calling me to make them into something beautiful. I am yearning to tune out what I must do to simply sit and do what I want to do and begin creating. Yet I am still working on the bigger picture in my mind. I don’t want to just start weaving with no purpose. I need to think it through before I even begin. No two things I make are ever the same.
I love thinking about God sitting up there and thinking through each one of His creations–seeing the bigger picture–and then intricately weaving that person together to be the best that they can be for Him. No two are alike. I don’t know about you, but I love knowing that I am the only one like me and that I bring Him pleasure. He made me because He likes me. So if this uniqueness brings me much satisfaction then why is it that I want Him to make my children all the same and strip them of that satisfaction?
Okay, here is real reality. I don’t actually want Him to make them all cookie-cutters of one another. Imagine how boring life would be like that! It keeps me on my toes as I get to know them and learn how to parent them in such a way that they can become the best they can be for Him. I choose how I view it–as a burden or a blessing. It’s a daily challenge to view it as a blessing, but yet so very worth it. It gives great satisfaction to me when I finally “get” what works for a particular child.
Right now, I am right in the midst of filling out a bunch of Post Adoption Report paperwork. We have four of these we have to do over the course of 3 years for Daughter of Purpose. I always chuckle as I fill out cookie-cutter question after question. My favorite is “What type of discipline is used?” Typically what they are asking is what happens when a child gets in trouble in our home. There really is not enough space on the paper to describe all of the different methods I use because each of my five children respond differently in every situation. Yes, we have a baseline, but I customize every single day whether it’s for discipline or motivation.
Sometimes I have young moms that ask me how to get their child motivated to do something. My response is always the same. I ask that Mama what matters most to her child, not all of her children as a whole, but what matters to that one child. What do they really like or what do they really hate? I encourage her to use that as a means to get them to do what needs to be done. Here is an example in my home. The Negotiator is a lover of screens. Whether it’s the TV, the computer, DS or Wii, he will do most anything to be able to use them. In order to motivate him to get his school done in a timely manner, he knows that none of those will be in use until he is done. I also use it as leverage when he needs correction. I will take those privileges away if he is in trouble. On the flipside, The Talker could care less about screens. So using the methods of The Negotiator to apply to The Talker would be a waste of my time and not very effective.
Mama Friend, I encourage you today to meditate on how intricately each of your children is woven together and to relish in that. To relish that you have a God that loves each one of your children so much that He took the time to stitch them together in such an amazing way and that as He wove each one of those intricate details into your child, He did it with you in mind. He did it because He knew it was best for you to be their Mama. He did it knowing each dynamic of your family and seeing the bigger picture. I don’t know about you, but that excites me! It’s kind of like a mystery gift that I slowly get to unwrap each day. Some days the details revealed are for my child, but some days the details are for me to learn from because we have a big God loves us beyond comprehension and desires for each one of us to be the best that we can be!
I love this post, Brandy. This is a great reminder of our uniqueness.l Of course, I’m a big fan of your crochet/knit analogy because I get this. Once again thanks for challenging me to place my children before God as I ask Him for specific direction on parenting.