As I stood at the counter in my kitchen in my nice warm house and I looked out the window into my wintry backyard at my bare fruit trees, I had this thought. Just like caring for fruit trees is a lot of work, so is parenting. Parenting is certainly not for sissies. It is definitely not for those faint of heart who want convenience and immediate results. Whoever said that parenting is easy was dead wrong.
When we moved into our house a few years back, we were so excited to have fruit trees–5 different kinds. It was gonna be so great to enjoy having free fruit in our yard. Little did we know how much hard work it would be to enjoy the harvest. Luckily for us, we had some older, wiser people that were experienced with fruit trees and came alongside to help us to learn the ropes. As we progressed throughout the year, we spent many a weekend out in the freezing cold, pruning, spraying and tending to our fruit trees. We thought for sure we’d lost our mind since we certainly weren’t seeing any results from our labors. It was only the assurance of our friends that had done this before that our efforts would pay off. It seemed like the longest year of our life without ever seeing one single piece of fruit from those trees. Sometimes we doubted and wanted to give up. Sometimes we were just tired and didn’t want to put in the effort. Sometimes we had to wait out a storm before we could get back to work. Sometimes we were just plain busy and had a hard time fitting it into our schedule. Other times we all out failed in our efforts, but we had to go back out there and try again with something different. Again, many moments we wanted to quit, but we pressed on in faith that our friends and the books we’d read knew what they were talking about. After what seemed like an eternity of daily tending to those fruit trees, we did finally get to enjoy the harvest of a job well done–the fruit of our labors and it was so worth it! That fruit was awesome!
It strikes me as to how similar this is to the parenting journey. We either have these children from the very beginning like when we are the one to put that fruit tree into the ground or we adopt them into our family, kind of like when we move into a house with fruit trees. We have no idea what kind they are, how long they’ve been there or what type of care they’ve received. No matter how they got to us, we pour our very heart and soul into them and then wonder every second along the way if we’ll ever see any fruit of our labors. I don’t know about you, but I doubt myself frequently. Here I am writing a parenting blog and I will tell you that I certainly have not “arrived”. I struggle all the time as to whether I’m doing a good job or not. The fortunate part for me is that I am in a season of life where I am beginning to see the fruit of those labors and it helps squelch those doubts. It encourages me and gives me confidence to continue.
Just like with my fruit trees, I did not get to this season without hard work. I absolutely cannot stand it when someone sees my kids and then says, “Oh, you just lucked out. You got easy kids.” I try to not get the wild-eyed look in my eyes and then I have to control my hands from strangling them. I want to respond, “Are you crazy? What you see before you is the result of hard work!” I have changed more dirty diapers than I can count. I have cleaned up barf, held chewed up gum in my hand, had to change my clothes after sticky hands touched me and given up many hours of sleep. I have given up stopping for Starbucks every time I leave my house because it’s too darn much money. I have given up new clothes or shoes whenever the fancy strikes me (like I have time to shop anyway). My house is not perfectly decorated and it certainly never has everything put away in its place. I have given up the “right” to go wherever I want, whenever I want. I no longer have the privacy of going to the bathroom by myself. I have had to give up doing one thing at a time, like a prefer. I have had to learn how to multi-task. I have even had to give up brain space. Much of my brain power is spent on keeping track of 6 people–their schedules, their needs and their behaviors. I rarely get the chance to read for pleasure nor do I get much quiet time, which I crave. My “spare time” is spent in prayer for my children and husband, reading through God’s word, networking with other moms or reading a parenting book seeking answers for how to better do my job–my very hard job of parenting. For a season of this journey, I even gave up my husband while he traveled on the road in order to provide so that I could be at home.
My list could go on–it’s certainly not exhaustive, but I shall not keep it going since I know that as I’ve made my list of sacrifices, you’ve mentally made yours. My list is not unique, but I’ve made it to make a point. If I do not work hard and sacrifice, just like I did with my fruit trees, I will not see the fruit of my labors, whether it be with my trees or with my children. I cannot expect to sit back in my Lazy Boy chair, investing none of my time toward my family and think that in a few years they will turn out okay.
So are you doing the hard work it takes to experience the harvest of sweet fruit you want to see in your children? For some of you that answer might be no. Immediate gratification and personal pursuits might be where you are at. If that’s you, please don’t kid yourself into believing that you are going to reap a bountiful harvest. Nothing could be further from the truth. Based on the example of my fruit trees, chances are good that you will either not get any fruit at all, very little in size or fruit that is full of bugs and rotten. If you really take the time to think about it, I doubt that is what you truly want for your children. Let today be the day that you choose hard work so that your tree will become worth harvesting.
For those of you who are doing the hard work it takes to see the fruit, I write this to encourage you to press on, my Friend, because sometimes you might wonder if anything you are doing is making a difference, but I can promise that if you are doing the hard work, you will see the fruit of your labor and it is incredibly sweet! There really is nothing that compares.
I just cry as I read this, you are so right, being at the beginning and middle right now, I struggle, it is hard!
Thanks for the encouragment and reminder Brandy. Sometimes I wonder is anything happening but then I see a small taste of the reward ahead. Also, I enjoy the moments I get now, like “I love you, Mom.” It is good to remember that God enjoys us along the way in our journey towards holiness too!