When I was pregnant for the first time doing all kinds of reading and seeking of advice about how to raise my children, my husband and I stumbled on a concept that has molded how we’ve raised our children. It’s called “training”. There is a difference between training and discipline, but I’m not sure that most people realize it.
Picture this, an Amish farmer, in today’s day and age, is driving his horse & buggy along the side of a busy highway–cars are rushing past at high speeds. How does he do that? How does he keep his horse from freaking out on the highway and potentially harming them? If for some reason that horse does begin to balk, does the farmer begin to whip the horse mercilessly or yell at it right there on the highway? Is that the place to “teach that horse a lesson” and to obey him?
In case you didn’t already come up with the answer…the answer is “no”. Out in public, on the side of the highway is not the proper time or place. Now I don’t mean to compare our children to animals and our treatment of them to be the same, but this word picture illustrates a point. Our home is the training ground for our children to know what is the right thing to do in public. Just like the Amish farmer is able to get his horse to obey him and do the right thing along the highway, so will our children if we just train them at home as to what is the right behavior in public (and hopefully at home too!).
So how does the Amish farmer get his horse to behave like that? By training it back at the farm. He spends time with the horse, training it to listen to his voice and to trust him. Another way to look at it is the farmer spends the time teaching the horse what to do first before he expects it to perform in a situation where it is imperative that the horse hear his voice.
Likewise, my husband and I have learned that spanking the poop out of our children or yelling at them in the middle of a public place is really not the right thing to do (nor is it the right thing to do at home either). Just like beating a horse will scare the horse, so will it damage your children. I’m not saying that there is not a place for discipline, it’s just that discipline as the only form of trying to correct your children will not produce favorable results. There is a difference between discipline and training. Training involves teaching my children what I expect of them while we are at home and giving them opportunities to practice the good behavior. It takes an investment of my time right now, but it is a time saver in the future. Are you making an investment in your children by training them or are you simply meeting the immediate need of today?
