Character. They say that “character counts” and I know that I want my children to have character, but what exactly does that really mean? What does the word “character” mean? In my dictionary it says that character is the total picture of “features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing.” Hmm…that made me do some thinking.
When I read that definition, the picture that formulates in my mind is that of a quilt. Every piece is different, but yet works together to form the greater picture. Some of the parts are readily seen, some are just as vital to the quilt, but yet almost unseen, like the thread. In fact, all of the pieces of the quilt would fall apart with out the thread woven throughout and keeping them together. This picture in my head made me think more in-depth about what I want the fabric of my children’s lives to be like. To go one step further, it made me start thinking about what I want their thread to look like. Just what exactly is it that will hold my children together? What is it that will weave through their lives and hold all the pieces together?
What will their quilt look like? When people see my children will they see a beautiful quilt of many different colors & soft textures that are woven together, not perfectly, but with love or will they see a nasty, worn out blanket of offensive colors that is falling apart?
So let’s apply this to real life. In my mind’s eye, I see the fabric of my children being a representation of who they are, especially who they are when no one is looking. I see honesty, integrity, loyalty, kindness, mercy, compassion, courage, leadership…and the list could go on. What I hope is that it is a faith in Jesus that is the thread that weaves that quilt–or their character–together. So what is it that I am doing today to piece that quilt together? How do I sew those pieces of character into my children’s lives? Well, I’m not sure that there is one right answer. I think there are many ways to do this and just like each quilt is unique, so will your children be because what you sew into their quilt and how will determine the end product.
Of course, the first place to start with character building is by being an example to your children of what you want them to be. One of the things I want my children to be is compassionate and full of mercy, but admittedly, that does not come easy to me. So I must go against my grain and be that example to my children. I can be very inward focused on our home, but that’s not how I want my children to view the world. So when the outside world comes knocking at our door with needs like a neighbor who is without electricity or a family that has just had a baby and needs a meal, what I want to do and what I must do to be that example to my children is in conflict. Honestly, I want to ignore the needs from outside our house, but instead I make that meal or help pay that neighbor’s electricity bill (without grumbling!) because it will do more than impact my neighbor or friend. It will impact my children. It will set the ground work of how they will respond when needs come their way. Will they ignore them or embrace them? Recently, when we heard of orphans in Russia who only get one pair of underwear (and it’s hand-me-down) per week, it would’ve been easy to ignore that, but instead I made the time to help my kids collect underwear because I want them to learn how to speak up for the fatherless–the ones who cannot speak up for themselves.
What about honesty? Do you hide things from your children or your spouse? Do you say one thing to your children and then another to your husband? Do you embellish a story here and there? Here’s a tough one…do you bark at your children to get in the car for church and then turn on that plastic smile as soon as you enter the church parking lot? Okay, we probably could all say we’ve done that one a few times, but I ask you, what does that say to your children about honesty? Are you the same person at home as you are in public? I only ask you these questions because I am asking them of myself and feel convicted. I am just as guilty as everyone else. I am far from perfect.
I suppose I could go on and on with character traits and examples, but I think you get the point. What I hope you meditate on today is what character traits matter to you and how are you instilling those in your children? What do the quilts in your house look like today? What about your quilt? Do your children see you working on your personal quilt or do they see your quilt tucked away in a closet somewhere?
