So have you ever really taken the time to stop and truly listen to your children and what they are saying to you or one another? Not just those snippets that happen to reach your ears and stand out, but have you really zeroed in on the whole context of what they are saying? I ask you this because in my house the volume is pretty loud, not only because the whole bottom floor of our house is tile, but also because of how many of us live here. What I find is that there are not many silent moments (except when they are sleeping). So honestly, as much as I try to “hear” what is going on and listen to what people are saying, there is a lot I tune out.
I didn’t really realize how much of a “white noise” exists in our house until this weekend. I’m not really sure why, but I found myself “tuning in” with my kids and really hearing what they were saying. As a result, we had some of the funniest conversations we’ve ever had and I found myself laughing with them instead of giving directions and barking commands.
By truly listening, I was reminded what a hoot my littlest one is. He’s such a comedian. When I looked intently into his face and listened like never before, I almost pee’d my pants from laughing with him.
There was also that moment with him, when all my older kids were playing soccer, that he and I took a trip–just the two of us–to the potty. On the way there, because I was listening, I heard him reminisce about a trip we took a few summers ago to the Coast and we went camping with some friends. I had no idea he had a memory of that. He amazed me with the details he remembered–right down to the bunk beds and fireworks. Imagine if I would’ve been off in my own world of thought, I might have missed that trip down Memory Lane with him. I couldn’t help but smile and promise him the moon when he wanted to know if we could go on that trip again.
Then there was the moment with my daughter that made me laugh because of the simplicity and innocence of her thoughts. As we drove past the cemetery in our town, my kids started a conversation about the dead people buried there. My husband’s grandmother passed away last month so this topic is fresh in their minds. They made an assumption that she was buried there. I had to explain to them that she was actually buried in the next town over because she wanted to be buried next to her husband. From the backseat I heard my daughter say something like this, “Why does she care where she’s buried? She’s dead. When I die some day I don’t care where you bury me because I’ll be dead and I won’t care.” I almost died laughing (no pun intended) over the way my daughter just cut to the chase. It was a black and white issue for her. I love that about kids–they just say what they are thinking. There’s no beating around the bush for them. Ahhh! The simplicity of plain talk.
What a joy it was when I took the time to shut my mouth and open my ears. Imagine what it would be like if I took the time to do that more often. Hmm…it just occurred to me that when my kids are teenagers, I want them to feel like they can talk to me because I take the time to listen. Maybe now is the time that I need to begin practicing that. In fact I’m pretty sure that the listening (or lack of it) I do today is laying the building blocks for whether my kids feel heard by me. There’s another “parenting today with the future in mind” thought. The listening I do today will determine the relationship I have with my future teenagers because now determines whether they believe I will listen or not. Off I go with a closed mouth and open ears!
