“Internal joy cannot be perceived by children. They need external joy to be seen on your face.”
A few months back a friend of mine was speaking and when she spoke the above words, they jumped out at me. It’s from a book we’ve read, but at the moment I cannot remember where in the book it is. I suppose it doesn’t matter. What matters is the truth of that statement. This resonated with me because I tend to be the type of person that feels fine inside, but my face rarely shows it. The truth of that statement convicted me because at the time, stress was high in our house because of all of the adoption paperwork needing to be done and the preparations for leaving for another country were looming. I pretty much wanted to ring everyone’s neck and wondered why we were all at each other’s throats.
When I heard those words it reminded me that if I wanted my family to be joyous–I had to start it. I had to be the example. I suppose that old adage that, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” was playing out in our home. I took those words to heart and did the best I could for awhile, but just today found myself re-visiting those words and wondering if maybe the bickering and fighting in my home might be helped by me starting the joy again. The external joy thing doesn’t come naturally so I have to work at it, but when I do it, I can really see the benefits.
Take tonight for example. I’m not sure what started this for my husband, but I love it when he does things like this. I was busy helping the kids with bath and showers and my husband just returned home from the store. He came upstairs with Starbucks for me in his hand (maybe because he knew I needed a treat since earlier in the day I’d sent him an e-mail at work that told him I quit–I was done being Mommy), a CD and a CD player. While naked children were running amok, he busted out the new Newsboys song called, “I Fought the La…”–real loud–and began to dance. Well that got everyone dancing and a smile on their face. There’s just something about loud music and dancing that can’t help but bring out the joy that’s sittin’ inside waiting to be shown externally. Next thing I know the music was still pumpin’, but the mood from earlier in the day had been broken and we were all smiling, working on puzzles together and playing a few rousing rounds of “Go Fish.”
When I chose to dance along and smile, play with my kids and enjoy the moment, I noticed that because I was showing my joy externally, my children began to hug and kiss me more freely. Frankly, my lap just wasn’t big enough tonight. Everyone wanted a piece of Mommy and this time it wasn’t because I am “the great need meeter”, but simply because it was clear to them that they truly are my joy and I am blessed to be their Mommy.
Tomorrow is a new day and even though we’ve got cabin fever from the over 100 degree heat–I am reminded that joy starts at the top. If I want tomorrow to be different than yesterday, I’ve got to break out of my shell and continue on with the valuable lesson learned tonight. I’ve got to catch the “silly bug” and not just facilitate the fun for my kids, but jump in to the action too. 1,2,3…here I go!
Well, I’m not sure how I even got to your blog, but obviously SomeOne made sure I came for this entry. I read this and just went…”uuugh!”
I SO did not want to hear this today. Although it’s something I’ve known for a long time, it’s not something I think of often.
Thank you for allowing God to speak through you today.
Michelle
Thanks for sharing! I love it… joy along the way. It’s a great motto! We, too, have a Russian Princess. she is 4 now and we got her when she was 2. We are in the process of adopting one more (Lord willing).
Have a blessed day!
Glad the Mommy Map is back. I love the picture! I have had recent similar journey. It dawned on me that when Sam is having an attitude problem I am looking in a mirror. HELLO! He is reflecting my attitude. So, when we are having a bad day I take a look at myself and readjust my attitude. You are very encouraging Brandy, thanks for that reminder.
Anne Brant
I remember what book that is from, and a great reminder for me also! Between trying to study for this big test, moving next week, Rod and I working, and trying to get back to “normal” since the kids have been home, is enough to steal my joy!
Thanks for sharing!
Anna
Very true, and I find that it works with husbands too . . .
Natasha is looking super cute with her hair like that!
this is a great reminder for me! i think so often it’s easy for me to get in the mode of “head down, let’s just get through this”, and granted, with a bunch of little kids, sometimes survival is all we’ve got. but, i do think that sometimes that response can just become a habit, and i need something to come along (like loud dance music) to shake me out of it!
and, you may not have meant it this way, but one of the most encouraging parts of your post was the part about “i quit”–knowing what a great mom you are, it is encouraging to me that you feel that sometimes too, i know i do! having a great husband to come home and appreciate you sure can help that, i know. š