Wouldn’t it be great if our children came with a money-back guarantee? Maybe even a 3-year or 30,000 mile warranty or at the very least–a manual of what to expect from this particular “model.” Something–anything, so we could feel like we knew what we were in for. I think that’s what we all want. We want to know that when we hop onto the parenting road, we’re going to get this, this and this and if it doesn’t work out, we can at least feel like there’s a safety net of some sort, right? We want guarantees for what we’ve signed up for, but I hate to break it to you…it doesn’t matter how your child got to your home–be it a brand new model, a pre-owned one or maybe even beat up one that’s a few years old–there are no guarantees!
I remember back in my teenage years and dreaming about my future. I remember thinking that anyone who adopted a child was crazy. They didn’t know what they were getting and it could end up a catastrophe. After all, just like child birth horror stories, everyone loves to share the horrific adoption stories too. Nope. No way. Adoption was not something I was even remotely open to. I fell into the same thinking that I hear many people echoing…they don’t want to adopt because “those kids” are damaged goods. Or even with the adoption of a tiny baby, you still don’t know what you’re getting. Well, who the heck knows what they’re getting with their biological children?
I’ve come a LONG way since my dreamy days. Back then, I wouldn’t have believed that I would become an adoptive mom. What changed my heart? First off, it was the prayers of a very patient husband. Secondly, God began to show me through my biological children how little control I have over what I thought I signed up for. I thought with biological children that I would know what to expect. Right…uh huh. Life was going to plug away just like I had planned and so would my children. Please don’t hurt yourself laughing…
Well, it hasn’t worked out that way at all. When I gave birth to my biological children, I didn’t know I was signed up for the ADD and dyslexia clubs. Did I sign up for a child that needs vision therapy? Did I expect one of them to need glasses while I was clueless as she stumbled along blind as a bat for longer than I care to admit? Oh yes, my favorite one…somehow I got on the list to learn more about asthma than I cared to. I won’t even get into their personalities. Every one of those things was not in the “manual” for my children and I had no idea they were in my future as a Mommy. My children are still young and they’ve got plenty of years left to make me wish I’d signed up for some type of extended warranty. I wish I could find someone or something that could promise me that they will not jump off a cliff when they are a teenager, decide to stop eating, do drugs, get cancer or get in an accident. I’d love a guarantee that they will always have a sound mind and make sense to me.
Okay, so here I go. I’m going to climb up on my soap box for just a minute (I really try to not frequent this spot). If you haven’t caught my drift yet, I hear people operating under this false belief that biological children bring a guarantee and adopted children do not. So therefore, they are not willing to take the risk on adoption. (Do you hear me screaming in frustration at this line of thinking?) I know some of what comes with the “package” of my adopted daughter, but as for today forward, whether she is my genes or not, do I really know any more or less of what is in her future than I do my biological children? Did that Mama who has a biological child with cancer ever imagine that her child would end up with such a thing? Do you hear what I am saying? I am not the one who made them and I do not know what lies in their future, no matter whether they are biological or adopted. It’s obvious by what I’ve encountered so far in life that none of my biological children are what I expected, so do I love them any less? Is my adopted daughter any less deserving of my love because she will also throw me curve balls?
What I’m saying is this: It doesn’t matter whether a child is biological or adopted–there are NO guarantees. It kind of reminds me of the simple wisdom of Forrest Gump, “My momma always said, ‘Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.'”
Am I writing all of this to try to get you to adopt a child? Nope. Just sharing with you my epiphany. I am so grateful I had this realization…that control is an illusion. Imagine if I had missed it. I would’ve missed out on the blessing of my adopted daughter and I would’ve sat around feeling sorry for myself because of all of the things I didn’t expect out of my biological children. Since life doesn’t come with guarantees, I might as well find a way to enjoy the risky life.
Thanks for all your posts, I can always so relate to you! That is so true about our kids! I used to sort of think that about adoption, was scared of the unknown. But God has totally changed my heart. Especially because my biological son has “special needs”. Did I know that he was going to be like this, of course not! God has taught me so much!
Anna
Amen Brandy! I hear it all the time, “you never know what your gonna get with adopted children”. I always retort with, “you never know with your biological children either, that’s why trust in the Lord is essential in parenting period.”
Anne
Bring it.