Now that summer is here, I seem to get more questions from other moms about how I deal with arguing among my children. I have this simple philosophy that I use all year long that seems to do the trick. I have to confess I stole it from my friend, Trina, a few years back. I think the use of this philosphy just comes into play more during the summer months because the kids have more free time and less structure. Here is goes:
“If you have energy to argue, then you’ve got energy to work.”
Thus, I have a list I keep for these specific times at my ready. Whoever is arguing will have to spend time doing one of these activities with their sibling. Usually by completion of the task, they have figured out how to get along and to work together. If not, they will be assigned another task to complete until I see them working together.
Weeding the garden for a specified amount of time or until a specific area is completed.
Cleaning out the car.
Cleaning the toilets.
Sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Clean the bathtubs.
Wipe every doorjam of fingerprints.
Vacuum, dust, and wipe down a specified room.
Don’t be surprised if they continue their arguing for a bit as they start their task, but eventually they begin to see beyond the end of their own nose and realize that they’d better figure out a way to get along or they’ll be doing this task for a r-e-a-l-l-y long time!
Don’t be afraid to make your children work through situations they struggle with. Separating them in their own rooms and avoiding the problem will never solve it. They won’t learn how to get along. It just takes practice. Coaching them through what is the right behavior and giving them the opportunity to do it over and over again until they get it right. More on that later this week…
You are probably planning on sharing more later this week but I would love to hear how you handled this when your kids were preschoolers/toddlers.