Awash with Grace & Mercy

Have you ever had one of those days that if they were passing out awards, you’d only win for “Suckiest Mom”? Yep, today would be one of those days. I really wanted to just go back to bed, pull the covers over my head and come out tomorrow in hopes that things would be better then.

Honestly, it hasn’t been the whole day that was rough. It was just this one moment when a particular child that has mastered how to push my buttons–pushed the right one to make me blow my top. I did the right thing, placing this child in their room while I took a “mommy time-out” until I got my head back on straight. However, I still spent the next few hours kicking myself for letting this child get to me.

It was during these few hours that the Lord began to give me some insight into how my relationship with this child parallels my relationship with Him. I have a love-hate relationship with these insights. They are painful, but yet healing. He gently rewound my day for me, back to where I was patiently doing a Bible devotion with my children early this morning. Interestingly enough the topic was on Ephesians 2. He reminded me in the first few verses that I was not so perfect myself (like I needed help with that one), but this is the part that stood out to me:

“But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions–it is by grace you have been saved.”

He went on to remind me in verse 8 that the grace given to me was not by anything I had done to earn it, but instead that grace is a GIFT. It was given freely.

Through Ephesians 1:8 and Romans 5:8, He reminded me that He LAVISHED this grace and mercy on me WHILE I WAS STILL (still am) A SINNER–not when I got it all right.

“Lord,” I thought, “I get so frustrated that I’ve failed again. I am mad at myself for letting this child make me so angry. I want to do right, but why can’t I? Why can’t I master this? Why can’t I seem to offer her what she needs instead of my knee-jerk reaction?”

That’s when He replied to me, “Let me give you a look into how I see this child that is so tough for you. All she really wants is a Mama who loves her and offers her grace & mercy when she hasn’t measured up. Just like you, she knows the right thing to do, but yet sometimes can’t seem to do what she knows she should do.”

OUCH! I’m not sure He could’ve made that anymore painful. I got His message loud and clear. So I dusted off and tried again. I accepted His forgiveness and relished in the bath of mercy and grace that I so desperately needed. I then went to my Daughter of Purpose and offered her the same that He offered me–love, grace and mercy. As much as I hate the moments when I fail, I have to say that those moments of reconciliation are sweet.

Thank you Lord, for using my children to teach me–even when it hurts.