Here’s how training works in our family. When someone misbehaves, two things run through my head. Have I taught my children what I expect of them first or am I just expecting them to automatically know what to do? Have I given them practice at doing the right thing? I also consider the possibility that I may have a heart issue on my hands, but more on heart issues later.
There are two types of training. First there is real, true training–something that I have not taught my children what I expect. Second, there is re-training–something I have already taught before (maybe even 100 times) and my children need a reminder and some practice. In either situation, it is time for me to get creative. I begin to ask myself, “How can I re-create the problematic area so that we can practice it at home?” Here are some examples of things we have had to declare official “training sessions” over.
Getting in and out of the car can be a nightmare, to say the least, especially when car seats are involved. I was pretty exasperated with my kids over this issue so we dedicated a whole evening to showing our kids how we expected them to load and unload the car. We made it into a game and we had a blast getting in and out of the car over and over again. Yes, by the time we were done, my kids were the exasperated ones, but they sure knew what was expected.
With four kids in our house, whining and attitude can feel like a constant problem, but I tackle it by playing the “replay game”. When my children have an attitude about something or are whining, I make them do it again. If they entered the room in a “mood”, I make them go back out of the room and re-enter it in the right frame of mind. Sometimes I make them go all the way back up or down the stairs to get my point across. All I have to say now is, “Oops! Do it again.” and my kids know that I am asking them to exit the room, regroup themselves and try again. Meanwhile, I smile away and enjoy the whole thing so much that eventually they too are laughing and have changed their ways. Oh…and yes, sometimes my kids do have a hard time pulling themselves together and doing what I asked. In that situation, I drop what I’m doing and dedicate myself to winning this “battle” because I want them to understand that what I’m currently doing, whether it be making dinner or typing on the computer, is not more important than shaping their attitudes and heart.
We also play the “Yes Mommy” game. I love this game! This is where I have my kids sit in front of me and practice saying “Yes Mommy” when I call their name or ask them to do something. There are variations on this one. For example, when I call their name and ask them to “come here”, they are required to respond with “Coming Mommy!” I have them practice this because it bugs me when I have to continue to call and call a child, but to no avail. By training them to make a response, it helps me to know that they’ve heard me and they are attempting to obey. I also have played a version of this game by telling them to ask me for something they really want. I explain to them that when I say “no”, they are to respond with “Okay Mom” (with a smile) instead of letting me know how much they dislike my answer by whining about it. I know it sounds like the silliest, simple game in the world and it’s not worth your time, but by making this into a game and practicing it over and over, these responses have become their “norm”. The pay off is in real life when they automatically say “Yes Mommy” when I ask something of them. That is music to my ears!
Speaking of ears, another reason for playing these training games is to train my children to hear my voice. I want them to hear my voice above all others and to respond when they hear it no matter what they are doing. More often than not, we are not in a dangerous situation, but I want to know that my children will respond when it is imperative. What about when a car is suddenly speeding through a parking lot and I need to protect them from harm? I want to know that they are going to hear my voice and respond so that they don’t get hit by a car. It also comes in handy when we are in a chaotic situation like a room full of people and we are trying to leave. Ask my friends, usually all I have to say is, “Mommy’s bus is leaving”, head towards the door and my kids are following behind. No, they are not perfect, but even 8 out of 1o times will make a huge difference in my patience level.
All of these games are well and good for my kids, but they also make an impact on me. They also give me the practice of how to speak to my children in an even, calm voice so that they respond to that calm voice, not the screeching, “I’m done” mommy voice. Children are not dumb. Even as babies, they are smarter than you think. They know exactly how far they can push you before you will begin screaming. If all you do is scream then it’s pretty guaranteed that they have learned how to tune out your regular voice and your screaming voice too. I don’t know about you, but I like having the practice for me and my kids. It benefits both parties. I prefer speaking to them normally and not needing to scream to get their attention. Do I ever scream? Yep, I’m normal, screaming happens to me too but it is the exception and not the rule.
So what are you going to do today to have some fun with your kids and make an investment in training them? I promise that your efforts today will make your life all that much easier and you’ll enjoy your kids more. Imagine that! Have fun!
Thanks for sharing these great ideas. I’m working on training with Meilani right now. It’s been cool to see after a few months of working on these things how much improvement there is in the obedience department. We’re still a work in progress, of course…
The is such good advise!!