We are so thrilled to finally bring home our Hidden Treasure home and we know you are rejoicing with us.
As we have prepared for the arrival of her, we have learned that while decorating her room and stocking up on toddler essentials is important, even more important is the emotional health of our new toddler. In her short life, our daughter has gone through more changes and life altering experiences than most adults could handle. Imagine how much harder the changes are for her at her young age. While she may not consciously remember the events, she still has experienced immense loss, including feelings of grief and trauma. She’s already experienced the loss of a birthmother, and more recently the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, sounds, routines and language of her birth country. Her world has been turned upside down. She struggles with feeling safe and secure and she lacks the ability to trust that we will meet her needs. We have done immense preparation for this–to meet our Hidden Treasure’s emotional needs so that she does learn that we will always take care of her and we will always keep her safe.
We need your support. In order to form a strong and healthy attachment we will allow her to regress so that she has the opportunity to go through all of the emotional stages with us despite her chronological age. At this point, she is 3 years old, but functioning at 18 months of age. Although it may appear that we are spoiling her, we have learned from research and experience that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. Until she has learned that we are her parents, we will need to be her primary caretakers at all times. It is essential that we always hold her, feed her, and do all of the nurturing. So please don’t be offended when we ask you not to pick her up or feed her. She needs to learn who her family is and is not. She needs to learn boundaries. She needs to learn that every person in the room is not Mama.
We have all been waiting anxiously for our Hidden Treasure to arrive and we know you have too, but she has not been waiting for us. She is already showing her grief and confusion in many ways and we are helping her through it, proving to her that we are a forever family and this truly is her last stop. Prayer, patience and perseverance are our friends. We trust that as our family and friends you will help us to do what is best for our daughter, praying for us and her. We thank you in advance for your support and understanding. We love you all so much.
Love,
The Mommy Map Family
***If you are interested in reading more about attachment in adoption and how you can be supportive to us and other adoptive families you know, go to A4everfamily.org
Hi! Just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. I noticed you haven’t updated your blog lately. Hopefully that means you’re just busy with settling in! But, in case you need some support or advice please don’t hesistate to email me. Also, make sure you take advantage of our After the Rainbow Yahoo Group (shoot me an email if you’re not a member). There are so many great families there and they are a fountain of knowledge and encouragement!
Blessings,
Rachel Whitmire
Post-Adoption Care Coordinator
Reece’s Rainbow Down Syndrome Adoption Ministry
http://www.reecesrainbow.org
Rachel@reecesrainbow.org
SO happy to read about a family who has really done their research and who is doing what is best for their CHILD regardless of mainstream parenting and societal pressures. You guys rock! What a doll she is and in such capable hands.
I saw your family on RR, and saw that you were bringing (or ad just brought) your child home. I am so happy to see you that you have been able to bring your child home!!!
I am just starting a RR journey myself.
Jaclyn
http://adoptutah.blogspot.com/
Such a great idea to let everyone around you know the situation! Very wise. I understand attachment issues from doing foster care for 9 years. It is very real! Kids with attachment problems span the gamut from not wanting connection or trusting anyone, to trusting everyone and looking at everyone as a parent. Neither is healthy and must be worked through! I pray that your family are all adjusting together and that your Hidden Treasure attaches quickly!
Such a great idea to let everyone around you know the situation! Very wise. I understand attachment issues from doing foster care for 9 years. It is very real! Kids with attachment problems span the gamut from not wanting connection or trusting anyone, to trusting everyone and looking at everyone as a parent. Neither is healthy and must be worked through! I pray that your family are all adjusting together and that your Hidden Treasure attaches quickly!
Congrats on your homecoming! You are doing the right thing. We didn’t let anyone hold our son for 3 months after we arrived home (only my husband and I and his siblings). This paid off in a big way. Our son is very well attached to us after being home for little over a year. I’ll keep your family in my prayers. Enjoy each other…the adoption process is over…yay!!
Yes, Rebekah, your mom is absolutely right!
Sarah, you are welcome to use this for your blog and modify it as you need. I got it from my friend who adopted from Korea. I’m sure I could’ve written something myself, but why re-invent the wheel? 🙂
Congrats on successfully jumping all the hurdles involved in a successful international adoption. We are praying for this next step of integrating her emotionally into your family and pray it is a wonderful bonding experience. It is difficult to say “no” to loving friends and family. However, the rewards will be great for your deligent efforts!!!! Stick with your plan…we are so proud of you and your precious family. Much love and many blessings…your Murmansk pals ;-)…The Gartner Family
Very beautifully written! I may have to borrow your post and link it to my blog when the time comes–I don’t think I could write it better myself!
Will be praying for your attachment process!
Again, Congrats on bringing home your little girl!
I have no experience with adoption, so I found this post really interesting. What jumped out to me what that you are asking that no one else feeds her or picks her up. Here is why:
My daughter used to be EXTREMELY clingy and wouldn’t go to even grandparents. I used to talk to my mom about it and asking her, “What am I suppose to do?” Then she shared with me that when they had foster babies in their home, they would go to ANYONE. “That’s not good, Rebekah,” she told me.
Reading your post, it clicked. I get it. You’re starting from scratch in teaching her who the special people are in her life. I hope that it goes better for you than you could imagine.
completely understand! we’ll be patient to see you all in due time…
love that you are taking great lengths to ensure her mental stability and assurance of love and family. I know everyone’s asking if they can help, but we’re on that wagon, too.
we love you. we together continue to pray for you EIGHT.
Thanks so much for your posts, Brandy. Although I’ve wondered about attachment after adoption and heard bits and pieces, I would not have known some of the details you shared like you 2 being the ones to pick her up, etc. Thanks so much for educating some of us who just don’t have any experience with this. I will do more research too!
Rhonda