Have you ever tried to drive your car without the use of your mirrors? Maybe you’ve had too much loaded up in the back or maybe it just plain fell off. Whatever the reason, I’ve found that it proves to be quite difficult without them. Why is it so much more difficult without those mirrors? I mean why is it that something so little can make such a big difference anyway? Well, I’ve found that those mirrors help me see better. They help me see my surroundings. They alert me to danger and they help me to assess how I’m doing at my driving. They are a reflection of the original image, right?
In the same way with parenting, I have found that such a small thing as my children can be just as effective at alerting me to danger, keeping my perspective of my surroundings and helping me to assess how I’m doing. They are my little mirrors. They are a reflection of me–the original image. They alert me with their attitudes, behaviors and mannerisms. I have this theory that when I see something (good or bad) that stands out in my children that I should take a look at myself to see if maybe, just maybe, they picked it up from me. In fact I’ve gotten to a point that it is the first thing I do…check my “mirrors”. My daughter tends to be the one who ends up being the best reflection of me, but it doesn’t mean that the boys do not mirror me at all.
A few months back I noticed that some of my daughter’s mannerisms are the same as mine. I noticed that she also talks the same way I do. She can be so “Pollyanna-like” in her perspective of life. If there is something negative to say, she will follow it up with some positive spin on the situation. At first I didn’t realize that it came from me. I hadn’t really realized how much I do that until I saw it fleshed out in her and then my friend finally said to me one day, “Don’t you just want to scream and stomp your feet at this season in your life? Don’t you just want to stop being Pollyanna for even a moment?” I had to laugh. Yes, of course I do feel that way sometimes, but I can’t say that my daughter’s ability to put a positive spin on even the littlest things is a bad problem. I’m actually glad to see that she’s picked up something good from me!
There are also those negative things they pick up from us as parents. My friend told me a story once of how she noticed her daughter being particularly sassy. As she took a look around and then finally decided to look in the mirror, she noticed that she, herself had become sassy to her husband. It hit her that her daughter had learned her sassy attitude from her mother! When my friend came to that realization, she confessed her sassyness to her husband and her daughter. She asked her daughter’s forgiveness for setting a bad example. She also worked out a plan with her daughter so they could help keep each other accountable with not being sassy.
I have a situation right now with my daughter that I realize is a reflection of me. Her brothers annoy her and she huffs and puffs about them. Admittedly, sometimes I don’t get how boys operate and I have made the mistake of allowing that attitude to show around my daughter. When I originally noticed it, I did not nip it in the bud and it has progressed to an attitude that says, “I’d be better off without those boys.” I now realize that I’ve got my work cut out for me because I do not want her to grow up with an ungrateful attitude towards her brothers. I want her to realize how fortunate she is to have siblings. I’m still in the process of thinking about how to address this with her, but the first thing that I know for sure that I will do is work on changing myself. I must adjust my attitude or there is no way I can expect her to change hers.
Having this awareness that my children are a reflection of me, I have had to work extra hard at keeping a particular attitude of mine in check. Like I’ve said before, one of my sons is hard for me to parent. I’ve often wondered if God sent him to the wrong Mama. At first I thought that maybe it was because he was so like me, but now I’ve begun to think that it is because he is so unlike me! Anyway, I know that he exasperates me and it is so tempting to utter my candid thoughts under my breath or let my attitude fly so that he and his siblings know what I am really feeling about him at the moment. But I am wise enough to realize that if I did that, it would be the most foolish thing I could do. I don’t want him to grow up knowing my struggles with him and it would be absolutely harmful to his relationships with his siblings and his self-esteem if I made it a family issue. It would break my heart to ever see one of his siblings chastise him and know that they learned it from me. Instead I have worked overtime to make sure that what I reflect toward him is positive and encouraging–to view him as a gift to our family and that God did not make a mistake when He gave him to me to raise.
Just like those mirrors on a car are a small feature in the large scope of the car, they sure make a difference on how the driving experience will be. Although it’s tough to admit when I’m wrong, I’m glad for those little “mirrors” because without them I’d sure end up in a lot of accidents! My challenge for you in all of this “mirror” talk is to make sure that when you see something positive or negative displayed in your children don’t forget to look in the mirror at yourself. Chances are good that they are a reflection of you!
