Many a mom has confessed to me that they are climbing the walls at home with their kids each day. Many a mom has wondered if they are cut out for this staying at home thing. Many a working mom has shared with me their struggle to balance their career and family, but what loses out most often is themselves. In every scenario what I hear is a Mama that feels like all they are is a mom and wife. They wonder where they have gone. Where did that woman go? Everyone of them wants to do something with meaning, significance and some sort of tangible fruit. They are challenged by how to pursue what their likes, passions and interests are without compromising the other roles they play.
When a woman first becomes a mother, she has to learn how to be something she’s never been before. She has to learn how her old self now meshes with her new self. She has to learn what are her priorities. What will she keep and what will she let go of in terms of her schedule and in terms of defining herself. For every woman it will be different.
As I’ve listened to mom after mom work through this and then ask my advice, my first thing I suggest is to simply get out. I have seen some moms get out a bit too much in a effort to fill the hole they are trying to fill for meaning and purpose, but yet most stay-at-home moms I come across isolate themselves without realizing it. So the first thing I tell that Mama to do is to get out to the park, go for a walk or to schedule a play date to get a fresh perspective and some fresh air. Make your days worth looking forward to. How did I survive having 4 children under four when my husband traveled 70% of the year? I planned an outing for us every day or I invited someone over. Even if it was as simple as going to the store for a few items. It was out of the house and that was all that mattered. There were adults there I could talk to!
Secondly, I suggest that a new young Mama thinks through what she loves to do and her skill set and find a way to do it. Whether it’s getting involved with the leadership of a ministry or taking a class, whatever it is–do it! Most, but not all of my close friends are stay-at-home moms, but each has found what makes them thrive as Mamas because they’ve found ways to connect with who they are as a woman.
One of my friends is a children’s book writer and has actually published a book in the midst of motherhood! Another has completed her Master’s degree by taking on-line classes and gotten board certified in her field. Now she puts those skills into motion by working from home. Another decorates and sells cakes. She creates the most amazing things with fondant! One is a gifted seamstress and sell items at boutiques and on Etsy. Another has a love for scrapbooking so she began a little business of putting together scrapbooks for other people who can’t seem to get to it themselves. She saw something she loved to do, saw a need and filled it. One mom began training, is now a tri-athelete and enters every race she can fit into her schedule! Oh! And then there is my friend who took her love of photography and began developing her skills in that area. Now she blesses many with her skills and all of her proceeds benefit orphans. And then there is my friend who has a passion for missions, but wrestled with how to balance that as a working mom. Now she serves our church well on the Missions Committee. The list could go on…
As for me, different seasons have held different things for me to channel my skills into. When I was drowning in diapers, I was on the leadership team for our local MOPS because it helped me keep my sanity. It helped for me to do something that I saw was making a tangible difference. Even though some may have questioned whether I should’ve done that during that particular season, I dare say it was what kept me afloat as I often times felt like I was drowning. There have been times that I’ve lead a women’s Biblestudy in my home, helped with VBS, filled in for sick Sunday School teachers or directed an AWANA ministry. Sometimes even organizing meals to be taken to a new mom has helped me feel like something I did mattered. Over the years, I have done many things, but each was something that helped me feel like I was a real person, not just someone’s mommy or wife.
For now, what keeps me feeling like I’m making a valuable contribution to society is by taking my passion for orphans and helping to get an adoption ministry off the ground for our church, teaching an art class once per week and crocheting. I also love to write this blog and read. At least one of those hobbies is done for a bit each day, but more on that later. Those hobbies are what keep me busy in my “spare time” and now as I have begun to sell more and more of my crocheting, it is developing into a side business for me. As time allows, I develop what I want that to look like. For many years I have prayed for God to give me something to do with my skills that can be marketable and able to provided a little bit of extra income for our family. Crocheting has become that. Finally! I’ve taken something I enjoy doing and it allows me to get my creative juices flowing with each new thing I create. So if you wonder where I’ve been or if in the future I go silent…I’m probably off in a corner creating crocheting something new.
The possibilites are endless so don’t settle for just being your husband’s wife or your child’s mom. Remember your name and who you are. God created you to be more than just a mom with the exact skills and interests that you have. Take them and develop them. Bloom where you are planted, Mama! You will thank yourself and so will your family.
I finally just read this one. Somehow I missed it before…Thanks for the shout out! I love celebrating how my mama friends are using their skills or even just finding a little time away for themselves. I’m so proud of how you have bloomed and the creativity of your crocheting business. Can’t wait to see where it takes you.