Gasoline or water?

I have a word picture for you that is well known in our house. I think I heard it a few years back from a speaker somewhere and it really stuck with me. My kids have heard me use it before, but this week I actually drew them a picture and used a visual aid to bring home the point. I’m going to tell it to you and see if you can see the parallel in your life with your children.

If you have a watering can for your flowers and you fill it with dangerous, poisonous gasoline, what do you expect to come out of the spout? The obvious answer is that gasoline will come out, right? What goes in, must come out. Hmm…how can that theory apply to our children? It seems that we as parents tend to allow a lot of “gasoline” to be what fills up our children, but then we expect fresh, pure water to come out. Have you ever really realized that? What goes in your child, whether it be through their eyes, ears or through the influence of people around them is what is going to come out.

What exactly are some of those things I would term “gasoline”? People is a good place to start. I have a constant awareness of who my children are hanging out with and who are the adults in their life. What are those people pouring into my children’s lives. I’ve also heard it said this way, “Who is writing in my child’s life book?” Every interaction with every person is a writing in that book. The Bible says in Proverbs 13:20, “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” I think that is true. Who my children are influenced by is who they will become like. Do I want them to be wise or a fool? Do I want my child to become like so and so? If my answer is “no” then why in the world am I letting them hang out together or what am I doing to minimize that influence?

There are people in my children’s lives that I cannot control their interaction so I do my best to be around when those people are around. I also talk with my children about those people when we get home. I don’t want to just tell them what I think. I want them to be able to think for themselves when I’m not around. So I ask them questions in an effort to get them to formulate their own answers. I also use those experiences with their friends and influential adults as an opportunity to compare and contrast what is acceptable and what is not. We are just barely reaching a point that my older kids can tell me why that person is not a good influence on their life. More and more I see them making great decisions about who they hang out with and consciously choosing to walk away from someone that they know is not good for them.

Another dose of “gasoline” would be what my children view and what they hear. It can be from TV, radio or simply how they are spoken to. What are my children viewing and how much? It may not even be just TV. It may be video games too. How are those on the TV or video screen portraying themselves and will my children turn around and mimic them? Are they watching violence? If so, then why am I surprised when my children do violent things? What about sex? Is it funny when my child views sexual undertones (and sometimes not so under toned) and then is caught replicating what they saw?

What about how they are spoken to or what is spoken around them? If they are constantly criticized then wouldn’t it make sense that they become critical themselves? If they are continually put down then they will begin to believe that about themselves. What about cuss words? Come on now, is it really that cute when a child says a cuss word? Frankly, I’ve found words in my vocabulary that are not cuss words, but sure sound like cuss words when they come out of my children’s mouths. Here are a few examples of those lovely words: crap, frickin‘, shut up, stupid. In fact, I’ve heard my kids refer to the word “stupid” as “the S word” because it is an off-limits word at this point in their life. What good really comes from the word “stupid” anyway?

One more thought…how do you treat your spouse and speak to one another? If you constantly undermine your husband, mumble under your breath about the decisions he makes and talk negatively about him when he’s not around, then why are you surprised when your children have no respect for their father? It’s a two way street, he may do the same to you. How does that feel? He may degrade you in front of your children and then wonder why his children speak to their mother that way. Your relationship with your spouse is your child’s primary view of relationships.

Back to the watering can…what goes in, must come out. Will it be gasoline or water for your child?