As I sat in the waiting room of the Optomologist today, I had a few decisions to make. I couldn’t decide which was worse…going to the dentist or to get my eyes checked. I mean the dentist is painful and all, but I absolutely can’t stand it at the eye doctor when they check your eye pressure by blowing a puff of air in your eye. And then there’s the “Is this clear or is this clear?” incessant questions. I have to keep my sarcasm to myself and often feel like punching someone in the eye while I’m there. I settled on a preference of birthing another baby over visiting either of those places.
And then there was the decision of whether I was going to worry or not. I was there because I was having problems with my right eye. My eye has been bothering me for the past few weeks. Last night, I observed that one eye was dialted more than the other, alas the odd feeling in my eye. I asked my husband what he thought and his response was, “Well, it’s a bit freaky. If you were passed out, it would mean you were in a coma.” Great. That was the encouragement I needed. So then I decided to check the internet, but I do have to say I approached it warily since it can certainly get you into a tizzy if you’re not careful. Guess what it said? It said that my problem was a symptom of a brain tumor. Great. Even more good news.
When these pieces of information came to the forefront last night, I knew I had a decision to make. Would I panic and freak out? Would I go down the brain tumor road, practically dig my own grave and say goodbye to my family? OR Would listen to God’s word and not borrow troubles from tomorrow?
Matthew 6:34
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
I went with option B. As I sat there crocheting last night and mulling it all over in my mind, something told me that if I were to cry and panic, I would be wasting my worry. “Just wait and trust Me,” the Sprit said. So I listened and obeyed. I do have to say that it wasn’t easy, especially as last night wore into today and an appointment drew nearer. Yet, with each breath I chose to focus on relying on the Spirit’s strength and peace rather than my humanness.
This choice to worry or not strikes me as similar to the fretting I often do over whether my children are going to turn out okay or not. Will they be a blessing? Will they love the Lord? Will they rebel? Will they end up in counseling over some parenting inadequacy I have? Will our adopted daughter have attachment issues and go off the deep end as a teenager? Will my children have friends and will those friends be a good ones? If we continue to homeschool, will they turn out like wierdos (oh wait, they could turn out like wierdos no matter what, nevermind)? What if, what if, what if.
Sometimes I find myself funtioning with this mentality that these are God’s children, but He’s taken His hands off and said, “Go B, do the best you can. And, oh…have a good time!” I act as if I am completely in charge and in control and how my children turn out is all on my shoulders.
God has been speaking to me recently about this wrong thinking and worrying problem I have. He reminded me that no matter what I do, it will never be good enough. I am inadequate. That’s just a fact, but with Him I am more than enough. He will fill in the gaps for me to make my children into who He wants them to be. I cannot sit around worrying about whether I covered all of my bases and enrolled them in enough classes and protected them from the evil of the world. It’s not about me and what I want them to turn out like. It’s about Him and what He wants for their lives. He spoke softly to me and said, “Let it go, B. Stop worrying and trust me that every prayerful decision you make is a part of me shaping and molding your children into who I intend for them to be. Even the bad things. I’ll use them for good too.”
As I grappled with the Lord’s words to me, it actually took a huge burden off my shoulders. It is not me who sees the big picture and ultimately makes them into funtioning adults. It is Him. In fact, I’m absolutely positive that if I just step back and let the Lord do what He’s gonna do…He’ll do a better job than me.
Every day I have a decision to make. I must decide whether or not I will fret, whether it be about my children’s future or even my own. I need to place every life of my family into the hands of the Father and not my own, trusting that He knows what He is doing regardless of how it appears.
Worrying seems to just come second nature to us Mamas. Just as God showed me through my eye problem that any worrying I would’ve done about my eyes would’ve been for nothing, so is our constant fretting over our children. There was absolutely nothing wrong with my physical eyes and if I took a moment to open them then maybe I’d see that He’s in control and He’s got my children and their future safely tucked into His hand. My bet is that He’s got your kids tucked in there too. Make your choice today, Mama friend. Let your worries go and just enjoy today with our children because He’s got the future under control. Whew! Isn’t that a relief?
Such a great post!~
Yes, it is! Thanks for the words of encouragement!