As we walked away from the only community we had ever known, we were broken. Let me tell you a little secret I’ve picked up over the last year as we’ve taken a break, rested, healed and looked for His new place for us…in today’s day and age, your website matters. I could list a whole host of reasons for why it matters and what it says if you neglect this, but here’s what my Mama’s heart thinks you better listen to loud and clear.If you want me, someone who is already a Believer, to come to your church…you better give a rip about my kids and not just any kids…my special needs kid. Let me speak a little louder. IF YOU DO NOT MAKE IT CLEAR ON YOUR WEBSITE (my first peek into your world) THAT YOU CARE ABOUT SPECIAL NEEDS CHILDREN…I WILL NOT DARKEN YOUR DOORS.
You see, as a Believer and this matters to me because, fellow Christian, if I already know Jesus and I struggle to make the effort to drag my sorry, broken, exhausted a** to church after caring for the relentless special needs of my child all week long, what makes you think a non-believer would want to attend your church and meet your Jesus, who supposedly loves children, if you don’t give a flippin’ leap about them or their special child?
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” ~ Matthew 19:14
Notice it doesn’t specify perfect children, normal children or well-behaved ones. I’m pretty sure Jesus meant all of them–even the hard, imperfect ones. By ignoring some of His children, the Church is hindering not only that child, but their whole family.
Let me tell you something, parenting is hard work, but parenting a child with special needs is more than crazy hard. Families with special needs children need respite. They need to know that if they make the effort to come to church, that you are going to accommodate the needs of their child so that the parents can relax and feel comfortable that their child is safe while they attempt to focus on something other than their child while at church.
Here’s the thing, did you know that divorce rates among couples who have a special needs child are higher–like 80-90%? I kinda feel like that’s a no-brainer, but sometimes the obvious needs to be stated. So if you as a Church, make sure that mom and dad can feel comfortable leaving their child and can focus on their spiritual lives and in-turn their marriages and their children, because of the trickle-down effect, the Church is building into more families and giving those families that are losing hope…Jesus, who is hope itself.
I know you’re done with my frankness, but I want to put one more thing out there. When that family, non-believing or not, does manage to make it to your church…welcome them and their child. Please DO NOT ACT LIKE THE CHILD DOES NOT EXIST. Every time that child and their family makes it to church, stop what you are doing and acknowledge that they have entered the room. Make eye contact. I cannot tell you how heartbreaking it is when child care workers don’t even notice when my autistic daughter walks into class and they avoid eye contact with me.
Ok, okay, I’ll give you one more free tip. If a child with special needs enters your Church and you are simply uncomfortable and don’t know what to do with them…ASK. Personally, I would be so happy to have someone brave the uncomfortable and ASK than to act like we don’t exist.
Signed,
A Family with a Special Needs Child that Needs You to Notice
P.S. And to the ones who already “get it,” thank you. Thank you from the bottom of every special needs heart. YOU are Jesus with skin on.
This is why I am so proud of my church. We have 2 special needs childen in my churh. Lily who has Down’s Syndrome and Cheyanne who is very autistic. They are considered an important part of our church. Last year at VBS Cheyanne had an adult with her at all times and EVERY activity included her. She had a BLAST!
So sad. 🙁 My church in SC has several classes for children and adults with special needs and makes an effort to love and include them. We also have a Christian school for children with special needs. In fact, the school is called “Hidden Treasure,” the same thing you call your daughter. 🙂 Just thought that was interesting.
Our church has a classroom for children with special needs. It has a cushioned floor, a ball pit, and other sensory toys. The class is taught by a volunteer who has been a special education teacher for many years. My daughter called it her “trampoline class,” because of the mini-trampoline in the room. She enjoyed this classroom for a couple of years, then found out that there were Thomas trains in the 4 year old room. Even though my daughter is chronologically 7 years old, she enjoys going to play with the trains in the 4 year old class now. The teachers have welcomed her with open arms. I wish that your experiences with having special needs children in church could have been like ours.
Oh Wow!!
Thank you so much for this! I’m the mom who was asked to leave a church because our son was “too hard”. It changed the spiritual landscape of our family forever. All three of our kids saw that example of Christianity, and they ran from church and God. Drugs, prison, streets, rehab, atheism…horible! I am passionate about changing the story for other families. I now work for Joni and Friends, and I’m happy to say we are making a difference. Hugs!
Tears rolling down my face. No more true words from a Mom of special needs kiddos.
Crushing pain~~my heart is grieving for you and your family. May God continue to show you His love and truth. May you always hear his voice and walk in His will for your family. Bless you~~
Our new Pastor and I have been discussing this very topic for weeks. Your article its topic dead on and thank you for not pulling any punches! Unfortunately sometimes you have to spell it out. We live in a Church society that doesn’t always see children with special needs as anything other than “brats” that need a good spanking. It’s going to take us as parents to make them see the difference!
Well said 🙂
Thank you for being brave enough to put out there what so many families are thinking—and what they desperately need.
You are loved.