There was a point in life, not that long ago, that I was popping out a baby a year. I think my husband and I figured out that I was either pregnant, nursing or both for 4 years and 3 months straight. It kind of all blurs together for me, but at some point in that time frame is when I had the “light bulb moment” that changed everything for me.
I don’t remember exactly where I was when the light bulb went on, but I’m pretty sure I was walking one of those endless hallways at church with my baby in tow. I was overly tired since I still had to get up in the night to feed my baby and I think I had 2 toddlers, at the time, that needed my constant attention during the day. And of course when they were all sleeping, my husband wanted a piece of me too! At this point in life, I was beginning to wonder why in the world I even bothered to come to church or to go anywhere for that matter. It seemed that all I was good for was walking hallways with a fussy baby and nursing my baby. What was the point to it all?
In the midst of everyone needing a piece of me I also knew that I wanted a piece of me and so did the Lord, but I just couldn’t figure out how to get time for myself, let alone a quiet time with the Lord. At that point, if I got alone, I usually ended up falling asleep. I was slowly beginning to think that maybe I just had to give up on any part of me mattering and that I would have to put off my relationship with God until my children were 18 years old. I just couldn’t seem to figure out how to make it all work.
In the middle of that foggy time of life, it finally hit me and the light bulb went on. I AM important and putting off my relationship with the Lord until my children grow up is just not going to cut it. I was just going to have to get creative. I began to realize that it made a huge difference upon my ability to mother, be a spouse and just plain function if I made sure I was fueled up physically, mentally and spiritually.
When I had this epiphany, I talked it over with my husband and expressed my needs to him and why I believed it to be important. Fortunately for me, he was totally on board and began to be an encourager and advocate for my refueling time. Whenever he could, he would make himself available to watch the kids so that I could get a break. Sometimes it was to go somewhere with a friend, to MOPS, out for coffee, to take a class or just to run errands all by myself. Other times he would do something as simple as taking the kids outside or during the winter he’d have “Daddy’s Wrestle Fest” with them so I could escape to the back of the house by myself. One of the most helpful things he did in the mornings was to be my defender at our bedroom door. In his sleep stupor he would block the kids ability to get into the room while I refueled spiritually before I started my day. I do have to point out though that during that season in life, my husband traveled a large portion of the time so it wasn’t easy for him to give me those breaks that I needed. They were sweet when he was home and able to offer them to me, but I had to figure out a way to manage them without him. The things he could offer were just the cherry on the top of the sundae, not the expected.
Back to the creative part. Like I said, my husband was, for the most part, gone. So what was I to do? I quickly found out how hard I was going to have to fight for “me”. I had to create a network of people (that’s where my church family came in) that could help me raise my children. People that understood that since my husband was gone so much that I was essentially a single-mom at times. I had to be intentional and plan out breaks for myself so my “network” would jump in and help with that. Sometimes those breaks were not planned. The day had been long and hard so they were willing to spontaneously watch my kids so I could get away for a little bit. Those were also the people who would do playdates with us or allow us to join them for dinner so that me and the kids had something to look forward to that day.
When it came to Biblestudy, the Tuesday morning women’s thing just didn’t work for me because I could not get out of the house at an early hour to save my life. So I began calling all of the other moms I heard saying they didn’t have time for the spiritual side of their life either. Out of that need in our lives, we created a Biblestudy of our own that met our specific needs. We met at 8:30 PM when our kids were tucked into bed. We met at my house since my husband was usually gone. At first we met every 3 weeks, but soon we enjoyed the fellowship so much that we began meeting more often.
The other area I have had to address creatively (and still do) is making my personal time with the Lord a priority. Throughout this season of motherhood, I have learned the hard way that when I do not keep this priority at the top of my list–if I do not “fill my cup” before I begin the day with my family, I will not have enough “reserves” to get through the day. The time I have to do my “quiet time” is limited and even with my best efforts, sometimes I have interruptions from my kids. Honestly, sometimes it’s hard for me to sit down and carve out that time even though I know it will benefit me and my family. I want to get up out of bed and get practical things done. You know, the things that are commanding my attention like dishes, breakfast, ironing shirts, checking my e-mail and taking a shower. I often have to have a little “self-talk” and force myself to stop and get the important stuff done first.
Some of the things I have tried to keep this area of my life “fresh” is to not fall into the lie that I have to do the exact same thing every day for the rest of my life and I don’t have to meet some time quota. I have done a Biblestudy with friends that I met with weekly. I have done an on-line Biblestudy alongside others. I have done a One Year Bible Reading Plan. I have done a study by myself and then borrowed the videos from my church and watched them alone. I have prayed through a 30-day plan for my husand and children. Whatever it is that I’m doing at the time, I have found that God knows I am a busy mother of four and He understands. If I make the effort, He knows my heart. He knows that my heart lies with Him first and He will meet me where I’m at. He doesn’t expect me to map out 1 hour of prayer on my knees every day. Yes, that would be nice, but He accepts my offering of being in one long continuous prayer throughout my day. If there is one thing I’ve learned is that He understands where I’m at in life and what matters to Him is the state of my heart, whether it’s while I’m doing dishes or whether I’m physically on my knees.
As I’ve heard it said before, I am a juice box and my juice box must be full. You see, everyone has a straw stuck in me and they are sucking the life out of me. If that juice box is not full, it will get sucked dry. Now if you ask me, that doesn’t make for a very good mommy–sucked dry. So I do more than encourage you today…I plead with you to learn from my mistakes and consider what you must do to fill up that juice box daily so that you can be a better person. For your sake, for your children’s sake and for your husband. The practical steps you take today to replenish you, will greatly determine how this whole mothering thing turns out.
Amen Brandy! I love your honesty and authenticity. Only God knows the seeds of hope and encouragement He is planting in others through your words. And, no doubt, there will be husbands and children who will be blessed by the wives/moms in their lives that have taken your words to heart.