I have a “talker” in my backseat. Some people have a backseat driver. I have a backseat talker. I have a child that loves to talk and talk and talk and talk. I just don’t know where he got that from (wink, wink)! I think he actually talks more than my daughter. Just last night I went in to talk to him about his talking at bedtime. He got in trouble because he was keeping everyone awake. I kid you not, this is what he said to me in a very whiny voice, “Mommy, I love to talk. I can’t help it. I can’t stop it at night.” Poor kid…how dare I as his mom expect him to stop talking in order to sleep!
Well this talking has gotten him into a lot of trouble. I can handle the talking, it’s the lack of ability to control the talking that becomes the problem. I call it “popping off at the mouth”. It’s also known as being bossy. From my perspective, it’s a self-control issue. A few months back when this came to a head and I was at my wits end with his talking, I knew I needed some advice and I was going to have to get creative to work on this heart issue. So I called my friend who has 10 well-behaved kids for her ideas and between the two of us, this is what we came up with. It was an effort to help my son practice keeping his mouth shut.
The first thing I did was go to Scripture so that my son understood that it was not me who made up some crazy ideas about self-control and the damage your mouth can do, but instead it was My Boss who had mapped out these rules. These are what I came up with:
Proverbs 21:23 – “He who guards his mouth and tongue keeps himself from calamity.”
Psalms 141:3 – “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep a watch over the door of my lips.”
James 1:19 – “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak.”
These are only scratching the surface of verses about the power of our mouth and words. There are many more you could use, but for what I had in mind to illustrate to him, these were perfect. I took these verses to him and talked through them with him.
Next, I talked with him about a filter and what the purpose of that was. While I talked with him, I used a colander, running water through it, and showed him how the colander works like a filter. Just like a filter catches the things you want and lets go of the things you don’t want, or vice versa, he needs to stop and think before he speaks. He needs to take the time to filter what comes out of his mouth BEFORE it comes out. I talked with him about how most adults have a “filter” of sorts on their mouth and that I understood that he was a child and had not learned that yet and that this was the time to start working on that.
Secondly, I had him get out his Legos and build me a guard. I talked with him about what the purpose of a guard is. The guard’s job is to stand at the gate and protect or monitor what goes in and out of the castle, right? I then took that Lego guard and put it up his mouth. I showed him how he could pretend that the guard was standing at the “gate” of his mouth and its job was to monitor what went in and specifically out of his mouth. I then had him carry that guard around in this pocket for a few weeks so that when he felt it rolling around in his pocket while he was out playing, he would remember to guard what came out of his mouth. We basically made this agreement that unless someone was in danger of getting hurt or the situation specifically involved him, he needed to keep his mouth shut.
At the end of each day, because it was an issue with the mouth, I rewarded that mouth. This part was actually my son’s idea, but a good one I must admit. I shared with him what I felt the problem was and asked his opinion about what he thought I should do to help him keep control of his mouth. At his suggestion, I kept a jar in the kitchen with Skittles in it. Each day he had a jar full of about 10 candies. Whenever I would catch him “popping off at the mouth”, I would remind him of our discussion and then remove a piece of candy from the jar. At the end of each day he would get to eat what was left in the jar–the reward of keeping his mouth under control. Now that is what I call sweet success!
Now is my son’s mouth perfect? No way. In fact as I write this, I’ve thought about how I need to revisit this issue. It can be frustrating to have to revisit this, but like I have said before, I recognize that this is an issue I will probably have to help him with for the rest of his life. Who in the world doesn’t need help with their mouth whether they are a child or an adult? Some just have more of a struggle than others. The good news is that this time I’ve got some ideas in my pocket to help train my son’s heart.
Thank you for this post, I have a non-stop talker, my 8 year old, great ideas!